THE STRUGGLE TO MOVE BEYOND THE SOCIAL NORMS

Over the past few months I’ve been struggling to put all of my writing over the past few years into book form . I’ve hit some kind of writer’s block that I don’t understand. You see, I’ve been writing the first book in a series of books, all based on the number seven. This first one is called the Seven Invitations, and while I know what each Invitation is, I’ve been really struggling to write the first chapter, and I don’t really understand why it’s so damn difficult, day after day, week after week. It’s months now !! I seem to always put it off. I procrastinate. I do something else — anything except that. Yeah, I get frustrated sometimes, especially with myself. Don’t we all! 

 So this morning I set the scene for an inquiry into the big question — WHY? Why the procrastination, why no progress, why so difficult, what is this “block”? I lit some candles and incense, and sat down on my meditation cushion in our beautiful meditation area, opposite some lovely carvings and statues ( Lakshmi, Ganesha, Buddha and so on).

SELF-DOUBT AND LACK OF BELIEF

I allowed myself a few minutes to become very still inside and then I asked the question — WHY is it so difficult for me to write the first chapter, even though I have so much material?

As I breathed in and out I noticed my deep desire to express all of what is true for me, unapologetic and uncensored. This was not new — but what came afterwards was revelatory. I began to sense an opposing force to my desire, an energy of opposition somewhere deep inside me — something that felt like a mixture of doubt, disbelief and “Who do you think you are?” “Special, huh?” in a cynical, judgmental and put-me-down tone.

I’m sure you’re familiar with that tone, particularly in term of your right to speak and express yourself. Most of us encounter opposition in ourselves when we want to move beyond our comfort zones. How we deal with that opposition is a measure of our evolutionary maturity. Do we retreat back into our comfort zone or not? Do we allow our power and passion to be held hostage by old forces that still live inside us?

I wasn’t too surprised that this doubt and lack of belief was being brought to my conscious attention — again! But then something else arrived as I dialogued with this voice. As I called it out, this sense of opposition began to manifest as an externalised aggressive force that now wanted to shout me down, to shut me up, to silence me. “Don’t say that!” “Don’t speak the truth!” “Don’t take that risk!” And then I heard some very loud words. I have no idea where it came from, but this phrase thundered through my mind : “How dare you break the social code!” It was a deep male voice. Weird, huh? What social code? Whose social code? Why a male voice? 

THE SOCIAL CODE

Do we all have a “social code”, especially an unconscious one that we’ve never challenged? Was it my father’s social code that I shouldn’t challenge, let alone break? Perhaps it belonged to a patriarchal religion? Or was it simply “in the air” as we grew up? As I sensed even deeper, I found that there was fear behind that statement : “How dare you break the social code!” 

The fear is always there, underneath the aggression and control. The aggression wants everything to stay the same, particularly in relation to the way that we think about ourselves and our place in society. We’ve all been conditioned to think about ourselves in ways that limit us — and, until we become conscious of these forces that operate inside us, we remain trapped by them, limited by them. We stop evolving. We never reach our true potential.

Until this morning’s meditation I hadn’t heard that strange voice: “How dare you break the social code!” Now that I have heard it, it’s not unconscious any longer. It’s conscious, even though I don’t know who or what it belongs to. That’s not important right now. This is the journey of what I call “Holistic Intelligence”, the journey of evolution, the journey of making the unconscious conscious. That’s what each generation does as it evolves beyond what was. On the one hand we’re programmed to evolve, but at the same time we don’t like it — because it’s so much easier to stay in the familiar and the routine, and to never question your belief about yourself. If you pick any limiting belief, ask yourself : “Who are you without that belief?” The answer may surprise you.  

THE DEPTH OF YOU

When a voice like that has been exposed inside you, it becomes part of your consciousness. When you see it clearly, it means that it has no unconscious power anymore — because it’s afraid to be seen for what it truly is — nothing! When you see and acknowledge that, it can sometimes disappear completely. Those threatening voices are usually afraid, because underneath all aggression is fear. And trauma too, in many cases. If you ever come across a similar voice that wants to minimise your value or suppress your power, it’s enough to simply be aware of it. Be aware too of how it has shaped some of your experiences of life by having you believe things about yourself that are simply untrue. When you come across a belief like this, that you’re unworthy, or less than, or deficient in certain ways, I invite you take it deeper and see that it is actually NOTHING when challenged and seen through. Here’s how …

All the positive psychology in the world won’t change what you energetically hold deep in your cells. So my invitation to you is to do the same as I did this morning. Take whatever you struggle with and find out what’s really going on by inquiring into it in a deeper way, beyond thought. Before you begin, make sure you spend some time feeling strong and grounded. Otherwise you may not be able to work with whatever comes up. If you don’t know how to access your ground and strength, then get some support*. If you do, then, after settling, feel into the resonance of the thought, how actually feels in your heart. Breathe into it even if it’s a feeling of shame or fear or guilt, and allow it to be touched by compassion, and see what happens for you. If you make the effort to spend time with this, the source will be revealed. Sometimes we have to go even deeper, beyond emotion, and sense into the physical sensations that arise. There can be hot or cold, generalised or localised, a tightness or a constriction or perhaps a sense of heaviness. Whatever it is, your job is to yet again breathe into it and allow it to be touched by compassion, and see what happens for you.

FREEDOM

If you do this, you will free yourself of it. Normally you won’t free yourself the first time you encounter something unconscious, but you will at least open through the first layer. In my experience there are often somewhere between three and seven layers before we can be fully liberated from whatever unconscious programming was affecting our lives. Your job is simply to see whatever you uncover, to breathe into it and allow it to be there, and to stay with it for a while. You’ll know when it feels right to stop the inquiry and come back to your breathing and meditation and to gently close off.

Afterwards, as you see it manifesting again in everyday life, simply acknowledge it -but ignore it and move beyond it. Now that you know what’s at work in your psyche, don’t allow it to have any power. When it was unconscious, it controlled you easily. Now that it’s conscious, say “hello” to it for a moment — and pass by. It will die, slowly, bit by bit — or, as I mentioned previously, it could die instantly. Your job is to simply keep turning up and reclaiming your sovereignty — the right to be who you are, in your full power and capacity and clarity. 

In my case, I also claim the right to express myself any way I want to — provided my intention is not to insult or hurt anyone! But that doesn’t mean that everyone will agree with or like what I say or write. It’s not my job to worry about what people will think of me. Nor is it yours. It’s not my job to write things that everyone will like. You cannot please all of the people all of the time. Not everyone will resonate with what you write. 

But you can at least resonate with yourself. You can evolve beyond what was. You can evolve beyond any criutical voice inside. You can free yourself of the various limitations that keep you in bondage. That’s the beauty of being human. I can do it. You can do it. We can do it, together. Let’s evolve !